I found out earlier today that my mum is coming home from hospital after breaking her leg a couple of weeks ago. When I saw my mum fall like she said, it felt like my entire world went into slow motion and I felt so powerless watching her fall. Even today, I still question if there was anything that I could have done either to make sure she didn’t fall or whether I could have softened the blow. I know there is nothing I could have done in those moments, but I still feel so guilty that I could not have done anything. It is safe to say watching Mum fall knowing what happened to her, if I could have turned back time, I would made sure it was me falling because seeing Mum in pain, actually makes me hurt inside.
In the past 2 weeks without her at home, it has been quite difficult because I have had to learn to be much more self sufficient with everything that normally Mum would do. On top of this, I have missed Mum every single day that she has been in hospital because she is my rock and guides me through day to day life. Without that, I have felt like a part of me has been missing, also like one of the chambers in my heart has been ripped out of me. The emotional side of things has also been a tightrope to walk across because there were some days where everything felt really dark and I was questioning everything that I was either doing or thinking because of the guilt I was feeling. I also at times felt really useless because Mum was in hospital and there was nothing that I could have done to help her get out of hospital earlier.I have been told in the next 2 hours (6pm-7:30pm on this day) that my Mum will be travelling home from the hospital and I have not felt so excited to my Mum in all my life. I cannot wait to give her one almighty hug and show her I love because I have cried myself to sleep many times knowing she was not at home.
The only things that I have done which I feel have helped is spoken to some of my friends who have given me so much support and I would like to thank some of them now. I would like to thank Skybilz for helping me become a stronger person and also to not let me emotions control me. Tokko_Tomcat and everyone who ran at DistantStarCares marathon who passed on so many well wishes and prayed for her speedy recovery. The whole of the Piper Pack who have been there and understood what I have been through and have been so patient with me. Also thank you to my sister Emma, who without her help, me and the family would have not been able to cope. And finally, thank you to my brother and my Dad who has put up with me in the darker days that Mum was in hospital.
Overall, I am so happy that Mum is coming home, but without the help and support of everyone around me and the family, I would not know how I would have coped. Also thank you all for reading the blogs every day as next Tuesday (13th June) is the one year anniversary of the blog.
Have an awesome day everyone and I will see you all tomorrow.