07/05/2017 (Day 329: The End Of An Interesting Week)

The first week of May has ended up being one of the most interesting in quite some time because there were so many up and downs and I feel positive for what is ahead for me. Normally, I either have weeks where everything feels like it falls into place as a complete jigsaw puzzle, or nothing goes for me and I am a position where bouncing back in the key thing. I have both of these feelings this week and I would like to go into more details first of all the negative things that happened.

The only negative that happened and it was a big negative however, was that I was putting a brave face of my quickly declining morale and I eventually had to be honest about it yesterday. The thing is this negative has taught me a lot of lessons because yes I was hitting a huge low, but an even bigger positive came from it, which is I now know what to do should this arise again. I tried last night some self hypnosis where I let my subconscious take over and I went on a journey to remove the negative thoughts from my mind. I had not done this in years, but one I had removed the negativity, I felt like the pressure of many worlds have lifted from my shoulders. I think that from now on, if I ever feel down, I now know that this is a solution that works really well.

The first big positive is that I am going to a gaming festival in my hometown with my stream team this Saturday and next Sunday with the potential opportunity to actually stream live from the event. If this comes to fruition, it would be a dream come true because I never thought I would a chance to do something like this unless I became a really famous streamer. I can safely say that joining the stream team was the best decision that I have made in my streaming career because I feel myself evolving as a streamer and a gamer.

The second positive was that May Motivation month could not have started any better because I ended up finishing one day ahead of schedule. I wrote 3 reviews, completed 4 games and did a musical remix, which compared to what I have achieved in the previous 3 weeks, I have completely annihilated the effort levels that I had previously been putting in these projects. I think that this May Motivation month was such a good idea because it has been a catalyst for concentration levels which have eclipsed what I thought I was capable off.

The next positive is that I found out that in the next 4 weeks, on top of the gaming festival, I will be speedrunning in 3 marathons, one of them for St Jude Hospital. At the start of the week, I had no marathons or events to look forward to, but the snowball effect has definitely happened to me, because one thing led to another. I think that I will  be practising heavily for these events because I have had issues previously with confidence and nervousness, however streaming at the gaming festival will put in a similar position to the speedrunning events. I will need to practice hard and most importantly find my game face and my consistency, which I have been finding lately and it has been improving, however it will be a chance to sell myself to a variety of different audiences across many different events.

The final positive thing is that I have ended the week feeling pumped and really to push hard next week because I have learnt a lot of precious and important lessons about my myself that will be paramount to building positivity. Even though turbulent is one way to describe this week, euphoria and relief are other ways to describe it because there were things in my mental state that had to eventually come into question and picking myself up is one of the questions I answered. The important thing to not slumber and cascade back to the negative state I was in yesterday because it is not a fun place to be in mentally.

Overall, this week has been a week of many lessons, answers and huge successes that I will be carrying with me for the future. The darkness and negative mindset has been locked away and I will do everything to not like the darkness take over the light, bright, positive side of me because it is a nasty and barren place.

Have an awesome day everyone and I will see you all tomorrow.



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