05/01/2017 (Day 207: Diet Is Going Awesome And Dealing With Personal Issues)

Today was the 3rd day of my diet that I had promised myself that I would start and try and still into, which to my surprise is actually really well. I haven’t purchased any unnecessary food or binge eaten at all across any of the 3 days, which for me is quite a big breakthrough, especially considering the fact I went shopping and I resisted buying lots of crisps and chocolate. One of the reasons that I haven’t been needed more food is simply down to how much liquid I drink because I have had issues distinguishing whether I am hungry or thirsty. Normally, I would assume it was hunger, hence why I would eat so much but then still feel hungry because it was in fact that I was thirsty. What I have done is whenever I have felt peckish or tempted to eat more than I should, I instead think that it is thirst and most of the time I have been correct. It has been difficult to retrain my brain to not think about eating more food and I know that somewhere down the line, temptation will take over and I will cave in. However, instead of thinking of it as a mistake, I will instead not dwell on the fact and just move on because if I dwell on it, then it will mean I am paying more attention to it then I need to.

Today was actually the biggest breakthrough because I was offered a cupcake that was left over from Christmas and it was the final one. If I weren’t on my diet I would have taken that cupcake and eaten it without thinking anything of it, however my new mindset actually made me question if I needed it or not. The temptation was definitely there and I needed quite a bit of willpower to resist, but I am proud to say that I resisted it. I honestly didn’t know that I had so much willpower to resist food and I definitely will be using it more often to resist binge eating.

I will say since the diet started and I know day is only the 3rd day, I have been feeling quite a lot better in myself mainly due to the fact it feels like my body is detoxing all the junk food from the Christmas period and it almost feels like my body is starting to work a lot better. I don’t miss eating all the excess food now because I know what it feels like to not be weighted down with stomachaches and pains from eating too much. Obviously, I don’t feel lighter on my feet yet because it is still early days, but I definitely think that with time if I maintain the diet, I can lose some quite good amounts of weight. I am treating the diet the same way that I treated the early days of the blog and taking the start of the journey as a challenge to keep it going. If I can do the same with my diet that I have been able to do with this blog, then who knows how much weight I can lose. I am not getting too far ahead of myself though by saying “I want to be X weight” and the main reason for this is because at the end of the day body weights can fluctuate. For example, I used to weigh myself everyday and when I would gained 4 lbs in a day, I would be feel very confused. It would be then I realise the amount of excess food I ate the previous day was sitting in my stomach, causing it to ache. Hopefully, now that I have a grip on the excess food and also have even the smallest amount of willpower, hopefully the willpower will guide me through the diet and help me realise that I don’t need the extra food.

The other way I will notice the difference by not buying extra food is by simply how much money I save over the month. This sounds somewhat extreme because yeah some big bags of crisps here and there might not add up to much, but I used to buy excess food pretty much every day and now I question myself about why I didn’t do anything about it. It might be because sometimes when I get anxious, I have a tendency to comfort eat, which is to eat lots of food and the food would act as a distraction for my anxiety. That won’t be happening anymore because if I have any anxiety issues from now on, instead of hiding from them and burying them under a mountain of unnecessary food, I will be tackling the anxiety head on.

This will be the first time in my life where I will be actively trying to deal with anxiety head on rather than avoiding and believe me it will be difficult because of how complex my anxiety can be. Then again, if I can deal with my weight issues head on like I have done for the past few days with the new found willpower and strength that I was never aware of, then I do this with my anxiety. It will be a really difficult battle because I have always hidden away from it and looked for ways to comfort my way through the difficult anxious times. However, I have ran away from my anxiety issues for too long and whenever I got anxious I would have an escape plan and a way to deal with it, not anymore. If I want to become an overall better person and a more mentally stable person, then defeating the weight issues and the anxiety are perhaps the most important steps I can take.

Overall, the past couple of days have been quite an eyeopener and shocking to me because I realise that for the final 3 months of last year, I was potentially damaging myself and making things harder to deal with, which affected me in quite a lot of ways. However, now I know I can deal with my weight issues and become healthier because if I don’t do it now, will I ever do it? Most importantly, the anxiety has affected the entirety of my life and has been the only demon left on my shoulder that I have not been able to defeat. That demon will not last for much longer because it is time to face it head on like my weight and succeed once and for all.

Have an awesome day everyone and I will see you all tomorrow.

Liam

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