Today was a continuation of defeating the demon otherwise known as my bedroom, which I can safely say I have defeated and now my bedroom is ready to be redecorated. I am really excited to have sorted out my bedroom properly because I have mentioned previously that I have been working on my bedroom here and there, but I would never actually follow through and actually 100% tidy it. I think my problem was the fact that I was lazy and just couldn’t get my head in the game and actually work on it, but because my parents are helping me redecorate and add some new furniture to my bedroom, I felt incentivised and really wanted to do it.
However, it wasn’t always plain sailing and there were quite a few roadblocks that I ran into, especially today considering how depleted I felt my energy levels were. There were times where I felt that I couldn’t continue and also times where there were a lot of pains in my chest, however determination and adrenaline guided me through and eventually I managed to complete it. The sense of elation I felt when the final steps were completed is a sense of relief that I have never ever felt in my life because my bedroom was like a demon that I couldn’t shift. I have overcome many demons in my life and my disabilities meant that these demons were very difficult to defeat, however my bedroom and the state it was in I couldn’t escape and I would dread returning to the state it was in. Sometimes when I was at work, I felt I would happier staying at work as I couldn’t face how bad my bedroom got and I hope that once my bedroom is redecorated, I will never experience feelings like that ever again.
There is a poem and a hymn that I have recently been listening to, which is extremely peaceful and whenever I felt apprehensive I would listen to a rendition. The hymn is in Icelandic and was written in the 13th century during one of the bloodiest eras in their history, which is about praying for guidance and peace during warfare and is called “Heyr Himna Smiður” or Hear Smith of Heavens in English. There was a version of this hymn by a Monstercat artist called Varien, which is simply gorgeous and his rendition of it both sends tingles down my spine, as well as in today’s case makes me think of what I have overcome and also hoping that others with my disabilities or others in worse positions find their answer. To clarify, I am not a religious person, quite the opposite, but this Icelandic hymn really struck a chord with me once I understood the meaning of it and I instantly related to it. If you get a chance, listen to the Varien version because simply put, it is a masterpiece and is simply gorgeous.
Overall, the war against my bedroom that has affected me negatively is finally over and I can finally have some peace from the bedroom demon that has plagued my mind for too long. Also, I know bedroom demon sounds childish, but the fact I would come home and not look forward to retuning to my bedroom, it felt like a battle I was losing. Now I safely say that my life overall is much more settled and I am on the way to a much happier mindset, especially with work now going so well.
I also want to thank everyone for supporting me and reading my blog during the darker times because I know sometimes the blog has been very negative and this really represented how I felt at the time. The last 4 weeks has made me feel like I have been revived and given a new lease of life, but in a much more positive light. Without me writing this blog, I wouldn’t have had a log nor documentation of the journey from the dark place I was in, now into this more positive and happy place I am now in. I can now look back through the blogs and say “I have come a long way and I don’t want to ever be back in that dark place” and everyone who comments and shows their support for me, you have been part of the reason I am now happy with myself and who I am.
Have an awesome day everyone and I will see you all tomorrow.