18/10/2016 (Day 128: My Confidence Is Returning)

Today has been another fantastic day where work continues to feel really rewarding and I am starting to feel that my confidence is returning. I have countless problems with my confidence ever since I was young because I used to be quite a shy person who never talked very much to anyone. I was the sort of person that whilst at parties everyone else was socialising, I was never confident to join a group of people and get involved with their conversations. I was the same throughout high school, where I never had the self belief to ever do anything and would always either wait to eventually be selected or someone else would select me because how little I felt involved.

This lack of confidence continued throughout college and university, however for the first time in potentially 15 years, I feel like I am starting to gain confidence and this is because of the change of area at work. The workload I now do is much more handleable and my stress levels are starting to reduce, which is something I have also struggled with because I have always felt stressed and under pressure to produce results. Now, because these issues with stress are starting to relent and I am starting to be able to express myself better and work harder, this is starting to make me believe that I am more capable of achieving results than ever before.

The increasing confidence has also worked wonders in terms of my morale, because when I was under the most amount of stress, I felt like I was failing and this made my mood go through the floor. Now, that the confidence is on the up, I have noticed that I have been smiling quite a lot more, which is something that I normally do. The morale boost has meant that some of the issues I have had speaking without a stutter are reducing, meaning that I have the ability to say what I want to say, rather than getting frustrated with myself and then the frustration building. If anything, now when I have a stutter or a stammer, I find that instead of getting annoyed with it, I am laughing it off and also making it a part of my persona, rather than something that I would rather not have.

So overall, today has been another step towards the person that I could have only dreamed of being, which is someone with confidence and most importantly someone who is very positive minded. For too long, I have been someone who would always look at the negatives and emphasise them, but now I have learnt that focusing on the negatives and making them issues makes it harder to tackle them. Instead, I have acknowledged that I have some weaknesses and I intend to try and work on bringing the quality of these weaknesses up, without affecting the quality of the things that I am strong at in life.

Have an awesome day everyone and I will see you all tomorrow.



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