09/10/2016 (Day 119: A Very Open And Honest Blog)

After I had finished writing yesterday’s blog, I decided to start working on the review for this upcoming Saturday because I had started it earlier yesterday and I wanted to continue working on it. At about 12:30am this morning, I realised that I had writing the entirety of the review, checked it for mistakes and had finalised the review in about 2 hours. I am not sure how I wrote the entire review in such a short time because I didn’t know I could concentrate on a review for so long and also I realised that my typing speed was much better than it used to be.

When I started writing the blogs, I was quite a slow writer because it had been quite some time since I had to type essay length pieces of work and a long time since I had to use a keyboard for an extended period of time. Something last night clicked and I realise that my predictions of being able to get all of the 2016 reviews done by mid November might be more realistic and less ambitious then I initially anticipated. The major difference between writing previous reviews and this one was the fact that all distractions that were normally around me were not present. I also noticed that when it is night time or mid to late evening, I find it easier to concentrate because I find when it is dark there is less chance that anything will catch my eye, as I can’t see much in the first place. So, I might find as Winter draws closer, that writing reviews and concentrating might become easier because by the time I get home from work it will already be nighttime.

It isn’t only reviews that have had some important progress, but also the strategy for me losing weight. I will be perfectly honest that the last 2 weeks weight loss wise has pretty much gone downhill in a big way because of some confidence issues and also some self doubt that I could follow through with the weight loss program. I have done some research and if I want to be a healthy weight according to the BMI scale, then I need to lose 2lb of weight per week for the next 5o weeks, therefore meaning I will be a healthy weight by the time I turn 25. I know this will be a difficult challenge because I have had issues with food and binge eating for a long time and breaking these habits will be a uphill struggle, but if I can finally be confident within myself and actually believe that I can do anything. I want to be a healthy person and have wanted to for almost 10 years, but I would always come up with a lame excuse and brush it under the carpet. Not anymore because I will be facing up to all of my demons and finally defeating them once and for all.

One of these demons that I want to defeat once and for all is my OCD because it has had a negative effect on my life for a long time. There are positive aspects of my OCD, for example I am a perfectionist and don’t accept anything less than 110%, but it is the negative aspects of it which I want to get rid of. The biggest problem with my OCD is that I have a tendency to doubt everything that I do. The only other way to describe the negative part of my OCD, it is like a Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde situation, where I am in control, however there is always that little bit of the side of my OCD that feels like it haunts me and follows me everywhere I go. I want that part gone and I want to perfectionist side of my OCD to stay because it means that I won’t make any mistakes and I can strive to be a better person.

Overall, today has been a day where I have to think about every aspect of my life and how I can sort out the negative parts and the parts that make me feel upset or annoyed.  From now on, I will be a much better person and I won’t let my demons affect my life anymore because I will become healthier and I won’t doubt myself anymore because I have already proven to myself I can do it. I have been very honest in this blog and I would really appreciate everything showing their support by sharing this blog around to anyone who suffers from OCD or any other mental health issue to prove that even if you have mental health issues, you can still achieve anything you want.

Have an awesome day everyone and I will see you all tomorrow.

Liam

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